Dolly Parton and the Texas Drag Ban

Texas has a law that says no "sexy" shows where kids might be around. Sounds simple, right? Nope, it's a mess. And a judge just said so. Twice.

That judge is David Hittner, and on Tuesday, he struck the law down again, citing Dolly Parton, who just happened to pass away after a brief battle with cancer that same day. 

Hittner wrote that her "big hair, flamboyant clothes and breast exposure" might break this law. Yes. Dolly Parton, who is a national treasure and rhinestone queen, would technically be a criminal under Texas's own rules.

The law is called S.B. 12, and it bans anything "sexual" near kids. But nobody explains who decides what counts as sexual. Nobody says you have to judge a whole show, either. One spicy wardrobe moment? Boom. Fined. Jailed. 

The judge wasn't playing around when he listed examples. A gymnast whose leotard rides up. A ballerina having a wardrobe malfunction. Abstract art that looks a little too suggestive if you squint. None of that is drag. All of it could get slapped with the same fine anyway. Up to $10,000 for a venue and up to a year in jail for a performer. For a wardrobe malfunction!

This isn't Hittner's first time saying no to this law, either. He killed it back in 2023 too. Texas appealed, and got sent back to try again with fancier rules from the Supreme Court. Tried again with the same result. 

Dolly wasn't just a throwaway joke in his ruling. She was the whole point. Elvis got flak for his hips. Dolly got called a "sex symbol" just for existing. Miley got dragged for twerking. The judge's message: famous, beloved, totally normal performers get called "too sexy" all the time. This law doesn't target drag. It targets anyone somebody personally finds hot. Which is, according to Judge Hittner, basically nobody's business but the audience's. And if you're offended? He offers this advice: "Just don't go." Iconic.

Drag performer Brigitte Bandit sued over this thing back in 2023, and she's thrilled it's dead again. She said drag is about joy and freedom for her community. She also said lawmakers should maybe worry about actual danger to kids instead of using drag queens as a punching bag. Fair point, honestly.

And it’s a bit poetic that a judge spent an entire court filing defending a woman's right to be loud, glittery, and unapologetically herself the same day Dolly died. She spent 60 years being exactly that kind of extra, with the wigs, the rhinestones, and the whole bit, and somehow, even gone, she ended up being the legal argument that got a censorship law thrown out one more time.

If you knew Dolly's whole vibe — kindness for everybody, zero judgment — she'd probably be honored to go out being the reason a bunch of drag queens get to keep doing their thing in Texas.

RIP Dolly. You're still out here saving people.